During a routine BBQ at a quaint Brooklyn brownstone on Sunday, a coffee mug long known for being the cutest in the cabinet reported feeling kind of silly after being filled to the brim with wine.
“Yea, we ran out of glasses so I just grabbed a mug from Kevin’s cabinet,” said friend Bryce Darrow. “It’s cute. It has a picture of a walrus on it from that Beatles song.”
“Funny enough, I love the Beatles,” Darrow added.
The cute mug was repeatedly rinsed and placed upside down on the drying rack, only to be flipped over and re-filled by numerous strangers with a seemingly never-ending bottle of 2016 Yellow Tail Shiraz covered in a light film of dust.
“I got a few more of those one-and-a-half litres on top of the fridge,” Kevin could be heard telling Stacy Urtz, an old friend from college. “Becky’s mom always brings them over, so take as much as you want.”
“It’s not like I’m one of those mugs that’s like, ‘Oh, I only do coffee.’ I can hold many things, Kevin eats cereal out of me all the time,” the cute mug noted. “I just feel funny holding wine, is all.”
Noting its lack of stem, foot, or bowl, the cute mug went on to point out that it was simply meant for cozy beverages consumed either early in the morning or late at night, and often during times of quiet contemplation.
“Where is Kevin?” the cute mug asked.
Partygoers were observed softly swirling the shiraz in large, voluptuous Bordeaux glasses typically reserved for intimate suppers. More than one guest noted that the wine was deep crimson in color, with sweet and spicy notes of fresh herbs and cloves on the nose.
“You can’t decant in me,” the cute mug complained as it swung gently from Bryce’s pointer finger. “And if I’m being perfectly honest, I can barely keep a cup of tea warm for more than seven minutes.”
As a crowd began to move outside to eat burgers, smoke, and enjoy themselves, the cute mug admitting to feel a little guilty for not quite fitting into the anything-goes atmosphere.
“It just feels like I’m hiding something,” the near-empty mug said, before adding, “I feel a little light-headed.”