What a bummer...
The next release from iPhone costs $1,200, but doesn't have any holes even remotely big enough to stick your dick in.
Shortly after naming a release date for the buzzy all-glass iPhone 8, Apple also announced the iPhone X, that is entirely screen and features a 5.8inch display and FaceID technology. Slated to hit stores at the beginning of November, many customers are frustrated that Apple is leaving them out in the cold for the holidays.
One tech critic noted the new A11 Bionic chip in the phone is able to do 600 billion operations per second, none of which are fucking. Some are holding out for the iPhone 9, which seems to have been skipped over, with the hopes it will include an orafice bigger than a pinhead.
Jeff Whiting, a longtime Apple convert said he would not be sleeping in line outside the store this time around. "I can live with the chargers that break inmediately, the cracked screens, and even the lack of a headphone jack, but the blatant disregard for customers' needs is so typical of a huge corporation." Adding, "it's 2017, I should be able to fuck my phone."
Apple has ignored consumer interest for so long that valued customers everywhere are wondering if they should just tape a fleshlight to the new Samsung Galaxy Note.
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