These vacations will be a fun way for the kids to get out of the house, see some nature, and find out which one of them was a mistake.
1. Day Trips Near NYC:
Take a bus to the Lehigh River right outta New York! If you can't stand the idea of being stuck in a car with your entire four person family, how about a bus? There's a company that will take you right from 73rd and broadway on a bus full of strangers who your kids will immediately feel safer around.
2. Regional Weekend Getaways
Take a breather and get out of the city for a day or two. Enjoy exciting whitewater on the Black River, the wild Moose River, and yup, even the Hudson. That's right, you can splash around with your family in the very same river you threw your wedding ring in the last time you got blackout drunk. With deals as low as $55, this is an affordable way to escape from your personal hell into a greener, more watery hell with the whole family.
3. The Grand Canyon
Why not take your shitshow of a family cross-country? The long car ride will give your kids plenty of time to remind you why you only want to see them Tuesday nights and every other weekend. Take in the majestic beauty of the canyon, and pray to God you fall in and hit your head on a rock. Spend your nights hashing it out with your significant other under the stars, in front of the kids. A road trip is enough to wear down the strongest of families, but if the wheels are already coming off, might as well see just how far you can stretch that marital bond.
4. Fuck It, The Local Water Park
If you’re more of a fight-it-out-in-the-parking-lot family, try out the lazy river at the nearest water park, so your kids know ahead of time that your commitment is low. Depending on how strained your marriage is, you may be forced to get hammered at the snack bar, but the kids might still enjoy that one really really tall slide, which you'll have to wait in line with them to do, like, twenty times. By the end of it all, you'll be more than ready to say goodbye to all the summer fun you're having.
Best of luck with your terrible family!