And the knucklehead of the year award goes to...
We've all made dumb mistakes: spent too much time at the bar the night before work, called up your ex late at night for a quick meet up, gotten a haircut that you just "knew would look good!" Well, here's one that puts any mistake you've made right to bed. Meet Mark Reynolds, 28 years old from Tarrytown, NY, this numbnuts went ahead and killed himself.
You read that right. This total bozo SERIOUSLY made the muff up to end all muff ups. Bad haircut? That hair grows back. Hangover? Give it some Gatorade and a few hours. Dumb hookup? Nothing to be embarrassed about. Purposefully drive your car full speed off the Verrazano Bridge? Better luck next time, bozo, you're dead!
Now, we've all been in Mark's position; the weight of life and pressure of existence becomes a burden difficult to bare. You spend your waking hours walking around wondering how everyone around you seems to remain so calm. You become solipsistic and paranoid. "Am I the only one that's afraid? Is my fear the only thing that exists? Is all of this a mirage in a vacuum? Am I simply floating through an abyss of light and dark, pissing away my days with meaningless moments of temporary joy? Is any of this even honest?" Uhh, alright, check please!
Fact is, Mark Reynolds is a total dope. I mean, this dumb fuck can never have ice cream again! New pair of Wrangler jeans? Not for Mark. "What's gonna happen in the season finale of 'Thrones'? Will Cersei help Jon fight the Night King?" Guess you'll never know you dumb son of a bitch, you're dead!
Services for Mark will be held Thursday and Friday at 3:30 and 7:30 at McGrath's Funeral Home with a service at St. Joseph's Parish in Bronxville, NY at 11:00 Sunday morning followed by a procession a burial service at Gate of Heaven in Valhalla, NY.