Less than a week after launching an intermediate-range ballistic missile with the potential to reach American soil, North Korea’s supreme commander Kim Jong-Un was spotted paddleboarding in the nude with American pop star Katy Perry while vacationing in Italy.
The vacation, which is taking place while world leaders gather for a tense G20 summit in Hamburg, is the first time Jong-Un and Perry have been seen together.
“No one saw this coming,” said television personality Joe Scarborough.
Seconds after the photo leaked, comparisons were inevitably drawn between the new Kim photos with those of Perry’s last boyfriend, noted English actor Orlando Bloom, who was photographed naked with Perry in Italy just over a year ago.
“It’s just unbelievable,” said Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe. “The balls on this guy. They’re just amazing.”
“I can’t believe this is happening again,” said noted paparazzi photographer Slinky, who reportedly got $30,000 for the photo. “This is literally the same thing that happened with Orlando Bloom in the same spot,” Slinky noted. “Their penises are the same size, and she’s wearing the same swimsuit.”
“Jesus, I think it’s even the same surfboard,” he added.
Former NBA bad boy Dennis Rodman, who has drawn criticism for his bold friendship with the international dictator, was quick to take credit for their union. “I introduced them,” he said. “People have a hard time accepting people who love each other from different backgrounds. When I was with Madonna, everyone was like, ‘That’s crazy, I think it’s just a publicity stunt, it won’t last’. Well, it was. And it didn’t.”
At press time, both Kim and Perry were spotted outside the Panteon in Rome, feeding each other gelato and donning identical platinum haircuts.
by Lane Koivu // @LaneKoivu