"You can’t be on the field thinking about your heritage or your ancestors..."
President Donald Trump announced Wednesday that he plans to ban all Italian-American women from playing lacrosse "in any capacity.”
The decision reversed a policy initially approved by common sense and basic human decency, that would allow Italian-American women to openly play lacrosse on any level. Lacrosse Secretary Brett Maspeth announced last month that he was delaying enactment of the plan to continue allowing Italian-American women to play lacrosse.
“The issue isn’t as simple as you may think,” said Maspeth, “If you’re playing lacrosse, you need to be 100% committed to the sport. You can’t be on the field thinking about your heritage or your ancestors. When you’re playing lacrosse, you need to be a lacrosse player.”
Trump announced the decision by posting a screenshot of his Apple Notes document on Instagram. The note read as follows:
“After consultation with my Lax Generals and Lax experts, please be advised that the United States will not allow Italian-American Women to play lacrosse in any capacity. Lacrosse teams, whether recreational or professional, must be focused on decisive and overwhelming victory on the field, and cannot be burdened with the tremendous medical costs and disruption that Italian-American Women playing lacrosse would entail. Thank you.”
A devastating blow to the Female Italian-American community.
We must admit, however, that this news comes as no surprise, as it seems President Trump is just banning certain groups of people from participating in activities that any human should be able to participate in. Earlier this month, Trump announced that overweight people would no longer be allowed to see Liam Neeson movies. The month before that, Trump announced that bald Irish Men would be banned from attending NBA games.
We’re not sure what you’re after, President Trump, but as our President, we must respect you or some bullshit, right? I’m don't know. Whatever.