“Blue has always been the boldest, most beautiful color,”
In a shocking announcement that has rocked the color spectrum, Blue, a shade long associated with confidence and tranquility, has come out as transgender. “It’s time to stop living a lie,” Blue told a group of reporters during a routine news conference promoting almond M&Ms, one of its many sponsors. “I can’t hide in plain sight anymore.”
The statement reignited the political debate over transgender rights in America. “Look, Blue is a man,” said Vice President Mike Pence. “Paul Newman had blue eyes. And anyone who’s had the pleasure of seeing him brood in ‘Cool Hand Luke’ knows darn well that those beautiful pearls were not transgender.”
Gavin Grimm, a Virginia teenager whose case for transgender rights in Virginia high schools went all the way to the Supreme Court, lauded Blue’s decision. “Blue has always been the boldest, most beautiful color,” he said.
Proudly flaunting his vintage Blue Oyster Cult t-shirt, he added, “This is a beautiful day to be Blue.”
Corporate sponsors and politicians scrambled to respond to the confession, with mixed results. M&Ms, a company with a long and complicated history to Blue, quietly removed the color from its assembly line, igniting backlash.
Jet Blue, the 6th largest airline in the United States, fully supported the move. “We’re taking steps to show that we’re behind Blue 100%,” said CEO Robin Hayes, adding that some of the planes will be changed to Jet Trans-Blue specifically for flights over the Pacific, an ocean long-rumored to be gay.
In Toronto, the Blue Jays announced that they would don “Toronto LGBTQ Jays” jerseys for the month of July.
In New York, at a protest in Times Square—just feet from the M&Ms megastore—Governor Cuomo announced that the A, C, E and other metro blue lines would now be running any way they want, saying, “Who am I to tell them which way to go?”
The news may be a shock to those who have long relied on Blue to be brutally masculine and inflexible. But for noted color psychologist Jill Morton, being bold is what Blue is all about. “Blue is a color that doesn’t like to make a fuss or draw attention,” he said. “Yes, Blue hates confrontation, but it also likes to do things its own way.”
“And I’ll be damned if they hasn’t done just that.”
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