It's Steve Jobs, the man who invented those clam laptops.
If you hadn't heard, I am dead and in heaven. I like it a lot. I've been here for a few years and it is the absolute best place ever. My bed is comfy, the showers work great, and the pool stays open until 9:00 at night. I gotta say though, the best part of heaven is the unlimited free Pepsi. Pepsi is my favorite drink, and here in heaven you can have as much as you want totally free of charge. Pepsi is a brown bubble drink that is best served cold and guess what: it tastes good.
On earth you can have Pepsi in a can or a glass or a bottle. In heaven you can have Pepsi in whatever type of container you want. I friggin love Pepsi. I drink mine out of a very large cup shaped like Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story 2 because it's my favorite movie of all time. I drink about 12 cups of Pepsi every day and I never get sick. I can't get enough of it.
Anyway, I have to go play stickball with Buddy Holly and Anna Nicole Smith. Take care.
Sent from my clam laptop.