It's because he doesn't fuck good.
Former Silicon Valley actor T.J. Miller recently made headlines after a controversial interview with Vulture magazine. During the interview, Miller stated: “The fact of the matter is just that women aren’t funny. Listen, I love women and all, but if you think you’re capable of having a vag and making jokes, you need to sit the fuck back.”
This is not the first time that T.J. Miller has been the center of controversy. In 2013, he stated in an interview that “Whaling is good. We should kill as many whales as we can. They just aren’t funny when compared to other animals, so what’s the point?” Then in 2015, Miller went on his controversial “Service industry workers are less valuable than other humans” rant at the Teen Choice Awards.
However, among Miller’s wide array of bad character traits, one stands alone as much worse than the others: He doesn’t fuck good.
Often times when a celebrity makes headlines with a controversial statement, it distracts the mainstream from covering what truly matters. This method of diversion has benefitted Miller greatly in the sense that no one really talks about how bad he is at fucking.
Not many details are known about just how bad he is at fucking, but below is a small, yet descriptive list of what we know about how T.J. Miller fucks:
- He only fucks missionary
- He has never given a woman an orgasm
- He can’t get hard unless he watches a video of himself perform
- He can only cum from autofellatio
- He has to take a break every two minutes while fucking to drink an entire bottle of Sprite
After reviewing that list, the question begs to be asked: Why does Hollywood consistently give this bad-at-fucking Carrot Top lookalike a platform to voice his objectively dumb opinions? There is an diverse pool of insanely talented people eager to make a name for themselves in show-business, so why does Big Hollywood endorse this guy who can’t fuck good at all?
Ideally, this piece will be some sort of catalyst for change in Hollywood. The industry needs to stop rewarding people who don’t fuck good, and start rewarding people who fuck like champions.