In a fashion similar to a teenager scrambling to close out of tabs of pornography, Beyonce reportedly rushed to close out of her Spotify application as she heard her husband's footsteps approaching the foyer of their home.
The transcription of the audio we picked up from the secret microphone we placed in their house is below:
Beyonce: “Oh hey, hey baby. Hi. Good day?”
Jay Z: “Good day, yeah. What were you doing on your phone?”
B: “Nothing, just looking at pictures of our wonderful children.”
J: “Ok. I’m going to choose to trust you. Just know that this whole Tidal thing will never work out if even the ones closest to me aren't using it. This is more important than just you and me, this is about our children’s fortune.”
B: “I know baby. I know.”
J: “What did you do today?”
B: “I walked the children and fed the children.”
J: “That’s amazing. You are the mother of my children and I love you for that.”
B: “Actually, theres something I need to tell you, Jay.”
J: “What’s that?”
B: “I’m not Beyonce…I’m
The ghost of Noah Webster- American lexicographer, textbook pioneer, English-language spelling reformer- and most famously, the creator of the English language dictionary.
J: Whoa, what? Are you serious? That’s insane.
NW: Yes. You have been fooled.
J: Ok. I’m going to sleep.
Pretty bizarre right? I guess this is just life when you’re one of the biggest celebrity couples in the world. We don't know what any of this means, but we trust that Beyonce and Jay are happy as ever.